Death. It's Not What You May Think - Yourself
/deTH/-noun- the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of life[wpvideo QpwuFISr]What if I told you that this painful, heart-wrenching experience of death was not the only kind of death? What if I told you that people are walking around everyday searching for some form of life because they are dead? They aren’t physically dead. These people are not zombies, but they are the walking dead.These people are just like you and me.They walk.They eat.They sleep.They even look like you, but they are not like you.They are dead.Death. It is not what you may think.The notion that one can only be dead when they physically die is foolishness. The very definition of death defines it as, “The end of life.” I am not talking about physical death when our heart stops beating.No.Unforgivenss will kill you even if you are still breathing.My story is one full of breath-taking victories, but also plagued with heart-breaking defeats. I have entered in to a journey that started when I was a thirteen year old with nothing else on my mind than Pre-Algebra. When I was thirteen years old, a cycle of sexual and psychological abuse started, and it would not stop for three years. My world became a dark place where I tried to find anything I could to fill it with some sort of light, but every light I found could not penetrate the darkness.I remember thinking to myself, “Where am I?”Because I didn’t even recognize my own life.When I was sixteen years old the darkness became too much and I shared the dark cycle I had fallen victim to. Though my world started to turn around and the truth became a reality, I still felt dark inside. My innermost thoughts were completely dead.I died.But I was still breathing.I could not bring myself to forgive myself for what had happened. For three years, all I had known was abuse. The sickest part of the abuse was not the actual act, but rather the method the abuser used to contain such a sick and twisted act.At first I was told, “Oh all brothers and sisters do this. This is completely normal!”Then it all changed.I still remember it clearly.“How could you do this to me? How could you let this happen? If you ever tell anyone your life will be over. You are disgusting.”So there I was, a thirteen-year-old little boy, and I had my entire world destroyed before my very eyes. I heard this over and over and over again until it became a very part of me.I remember waking up and being so disgusted that I could let this happen that I would harm myself to make me pay.I thought to myself, “You have to pay for what you have done.”I had to pay for what I had done.What I didn’t know was that I had done absolutely nothing, but instead something terrible had been done to me.What are you telling yourself you have to pay for? Every day that you hold it over your head you exact retribution and revenge on your soul. That very soul that you feel you need to punish has been bought with blood, the blood of Jesus. Not every person deals with a twisted, abuse like I did, but every person does experience something they wish had never happened.Every person wishes they could go back in time and take back a situation or scenario.You will never be able to take it back, but every day that you try to make yourself pay for it, is another step closer to death’s open arms.
The hardest people for people to forgive are themselves. What do you hold over your head? What is killing you?
Join me and Around the Table, March 18, for the next installment of, “Death. It is not what you may think.” Enter on a journey towards life and not death. Walk with me as I share my story of betrayal, abuse, and ultimately forgiveness.
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